How Do You Know If Your Emotions Are Hijacking Your Happiness? #209

What is Emotional Intelligence?
Can you be emotionally savvy?
Can you grow your Emotional Quotient (EQ)?

It's time to uplevel your growing expertise with habit loops!Tune in to God's victorious best for you as we add this powerful layer of intel to our study of life-changing habits.

P.S. If you're catching this before 5ish PM Central on January 18, there are a few open spots I'm saving for you to join us for a special VIP GUEST Mini-Seminar inside The Empowered Stepmom Academy.  It's so exciting!! We'll be answering client questions about how to navigate toxic people, situations, landmines, and other common stressors that create conflict inside blended families.

Register at https://www.coachjenrogers.com/VIPguest.
The page will be available as long as I have a seat available.  Don't miss it!

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Be strong, and let your heart be courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord.
Psalm 31:24

Transcript

Jen Rogers, Certified Coach, Kingdom Entrepreneur, Keynote Speaker, Bible Teacher, Author

#1 Christian Podcast for Stepmoms
🏅Top 1.5% Podcast Worldwide🏅  

209 \\ How Do You Know If Your Emotions Are Hijacking Your Happiness?

Real quick. Tell me something that grabbed your attention this morning before you hit play, got it. Are you coming up with zilch, zip, nada, zero. 

How about this? Tell me something that torqued your trigger before hearing the sound of my voice. What makes things memorable? 

How come it's more likely that fight you had with your steps, son, is at the forefront of your mind? What has you tuning into radio station SITMOMTB, that's S-I-T-M-O-M-T-B. If you're just tuning in, strap on those headsets so you can listen to streaming, woefully defeating sounds played over and over again on: Stick it To Me one more time, baby. 

Okay, I almost cut that out of the episode because around here we are empowered. We actually don't listen to SITMOMTB -- mostly. There are those times, however, those morose sounds sneak in as we're changing the dial to tune in to God's victorious best for us. 

In today's episode, number 209 of the Empowered Stepmom podcast, I'll spill the beans and then some. First, let's get downright historical, shall we? Perhaps you're just like me. You like planned spontaneity. You know, the kind of spontaneity that says you've blocked such and such a time for this spontaneous event in your color coded time blocks of your planner? (Yeah, that kind of spontaneity!)

You like to know what's coming, or perhaps you like the full-blown experience of winging it. Be still my heart!  No matter where you fall within the spectrum. This one thing that grabbed your attention, whether it was a favorable memory or something that occurred that you really don't want to experience again, they have one thing in common. 

So, even if you listen to this tomorrow and a new thing grabs your attention, I know that the same fact will be true. Have you guessed what it is? 

Here's your first clue. What is a bigger indicator of success than your IQ, your education or your experience? Got it? 

Here's clue number two. It's a quote from Maya Angelou. 

“I've learned that people will forget what you said.

People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

As I mentioned earlier, I'll spill the beans on the other side. Stick around, sweet woman. Today's empowered episode number 209 has been crafted, curated and orchestrated with your biggest wins in mind. 

Do you remember those ridiculous government commercials about This Is Your Brain on Drugs? You know, the eggs fried in a cast-iron skillet. That commercial was designed to elicit a response from you, a strong response. 

How so? Well, first by ruining a couple of good eggs. And if you're listening to this any time after the beginning of the p(l)andemic, you know eggs are close to the price of gold right now and they should not be wasted. I digress…

That “This is your brain on drugs” campaign was designed to grab your attention, reel you in and make a pitch or market to you. Your days are filled -- No, they're bombarded with marketing messages designed to reel you in. 

You're here because you're a woman with children, or you have empathy for a woman in your life who's a mom and or a stepmom, or you're a spy wanting to inquire intel on how high achieving women roll. Well, you are welcome here!

You are exactly in the right place. Back to marketing and messaging. Have you ever thought about a certain someone attempting to reel you in, to persuade you to do something different? 

Maybe it was your teeny bopper working to convince you it was okay for them to hang out with a certain someone or your toddler loudly expressing what they wanted now, or perhaps you're thinking of a difficult acts interaction with yet another legal threat. 

Since we're talking all things habits during January, let's break it down. What's their hook to reel you in; in Habit Speak, What is the cue? What's their end game or desired outcome for the interaction, aka the result of orchestrating the cue designed to get a certain behavior from you. Are they successful? 

Think about how you do respond. You know that routine or behavior you have in the habit loop when they release their cue. When you are willing to courageously adopt a spirit of curiosity, you ask empowering questions. Your willingness to analyze habits, the cue, the routine and the reward puts you in a position to learn, to acquire intelligence, to decide in an empowering environment about what you want to do with what you learn. 

The mission of the Empowered Stepmom podcast is to spur you into action. No fancy marketing campaign here in the play on your emotions to get you to do something. No, ma'am, I'm going to give it to you straight and that's exactly what you need to move forward, because you know you cannot expect change if you do not do different. 

The sad reality is so many women settle so many creatively devised stories about why they can't move forward. It's heartbreaking. Can you guess the most common limiting belief when it comes to saying no to investing in your mental health? I bet you've heard it too. I can't afford it and, to be honest, there have been times in my life where I have uttered those words. 

I am practicing eradicating those words (I can’t afford it) from my vocabulary and I am working to ask myself how can I achieve my goal? And that means I'm going to get creative, because I'm asking myself how; I'm not putting a blanket “I can't” statement out there. 

I'm asking myself, “HOW can I go get that thing?” 

That's what I want, I want that goal. How can I chase it? Not what I can't do, but what can I do? 

Listen, I cannot stress this enough you can always make more money, but you cannot make more time. I urge you to consider the emotional costs, the financial costs and, yes, the time costs. 

As a woman who spent too many years wondering who is that monster in the mirror, after yet another high-tempered interaction and I'm being fully transparent here, blaming others for my circumstances I'd rather part with money investing in my well-being and growth than live with the regret and the hurt of the status quo. 

The thing is, when you invest in you, you grow in so many other ways. That's the power of coaching. Earlier today, my accountability partner, Amy and I got on our coaching session and invested time. Here's what we talked about:

Are you a hero on a mission? That's the name of Donald Miller's book Hero on a Mission. Donald is a storyteller, a brand builder and CEO of Storybrand, a company that helps businesses clarify their message and grow their brand. Amy shared, Donald drove the point home that time is a precious commodity. How so?

Let me ask you this first. Take the average year life expectancy of 78.2, and let's just round to 78, okay. Next, how old are you? Subtract that from 78. That, sweet sister, is your ticking time bomb. 

The real question is what are you going to do with the years you have left? 

Stay stuck, barely scrape by and endure until such and such a thing happens? You know, until I make more money, until the kids leave home, until I can't suck it up any longer, Jen, I say no way. Life is precious and if I can enrich your life through the power of habit, my cup will overflow. That's my mission to empower you through the wisdom of making decisions that align with your values, beliefs and yeppers…those habit loops as well. 

Hey, there, I'm your host, Jen Rogers, Storyteller in my own right, Keynote speaker and a Woman who loves to geek out on habit. 

My cup is filled when I fill yours. Isn't that the coolest? I want to live, Luke, 6:38 with you. 

Give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down,

shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. 

For the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

My mission is to show you how to separate emotion from fact, to approach your challenges in your blend and your whole life with a mindset of curiosity. To invite you to geek out with me as we study habit loops and practice, practice, practice to get stronger, smarter and “svelter,” that's a word, I'm sure of it. 

When our minds are sharp, things become more clear. And when things become more clear, we get excited! And when we get excited at what God is doing, we join Him in His work. And when we join Him, girl, the things that we can do!

If you're ready for an adventure of a lifetime, right now, do more than listen to this podcast. 

Respond to the prompts, read the transcripts, take notes, send me an email, attend the events I host, join the Facebook group, find out how coaching can elevate your perspective and your life. Take action. If you're ready to protect the precious time you have left, this is your cue to reap huge rewards through one specific behavior. What's that behavior? Head on over to www.stepfamilypodcast.com/WorkWithJen  to take the empowerment quiz. 

P.S. If you're listening to this before, oh, about 5 pm central on January 18th, 2024, it is VIP night inside of the Empowered Stepmom Academy. We opened up a few more slots to join us and take a sneak peek inside with my special guest, Samantha Drum. 

Know what makes her so special? She loves the Lord. She's a mama of littles, and she's a brilliant lawyer who will join us inside the Academy to show you how to deal with difficult and controlling people in your life. And Samantha will show us how to become cool, confident, and controlled powerhouses with her resources. Can you see why I like this woman so much?

I'll put a link in the show notes so you can go ahead and get registered If you want to type it in head on over to ww.coachjenrogers.com/VIP guest. Check out the links in the show notes. There's so much goodness inside each one of those links. 

All right, let's get started with episode 209, where we are going to dive deeper into what makes something so memorable. Are you ready? Let's do it. 

What is that same fact that will be true about those things that grab your attention, whether it's today, yesteryear or next week, cues, routines and outcomes will remain?

Any or all, or a combination of these elements of the habit loop involves something emanating from deep inside you. Did you guess what it was when I gave you these two clues earlier? 

The first clue asked what is a bigger indicator of success than your IQ, your education or your experience? And the second clue was from Maya Angelou. I bet you not only remembered this one, I'm sure you have quoted her yourself. 

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Now I know you figured it out. If you said feelings, you're onto something. The full answer is emotions. Emotions show up in those memorable things stored within your mind and heart. Here's the thing. Although feelings are often interchanged with emotions, emotions are distinguished from feelings in this way: According to psychology today, emotions originate as sensations in the body, whereas feelings are influenced by our emotions, but they're generated from our mental thoughts. 

Emotions are real-time data sparked by sensations in the body. I'd like to think of those data sparks as God's genius supercomputer inside of you. 

When I work with clients, we often spend time with the Emotion Sensation Wheel. It's a take on the feelings wheel, where there are six basic types of emotions Fear, anger, disgust, sad, happy surprise. What makes the emotion sensation wheel powerfully enlightening for our clients is it gives us words. As women, as expert communicators, having words to express what we are experiencing grounds us and in my work with clients, it guides us as well. Emotions are indeed data. 

Let's test out my theory. If you witness someone turning away or scowling from an interaction, what emotion might be at play? What do you think? Fear, anger, disgust, sad, happy, surprise. You might need some more context, but it wouldn't be a stretch to say they could be feeling hateful, which rolls on up into anger on the emotion sensation wheel, when someone is experiencing anger, they could also say they are feeling offended or insecure or irritated. 

All of these things are aspects or other words used to describe the emotion of anger. 

Are you beginning to see how words do indeed have power? When we can specifically identify the emotions related to a cue, routine or reward, we can better understand how to effectively modify our habits to get the rewards we really crave. 

Take note you can only change your habits. 

You can influence others by what you do, but you cannot force them to make changes that will stick. It's a fool's errand to manipulate and a wise woman's purpose to influence well, through a careful study and practice of implementing new cues or behaviors to complete the work God has prepared in advance for her to do. 

All of this speaks to someone's emotion quotient, EQ or emotional intelligence (EI). Congratulations. If you've made it this far into Episode 209, you've likely greatly increased your self-awareness, which, by the way, is one of five components of emotional intelligence. 

The other four include motivation, empathy, social skills and self-regulation. We'll go deeper into these other areas in future episodes. For this week, I invite you to become more self-aware as you continue to identify cues, routines, and rewards, add this EQ component. 

What emotions are you experiencing in each part of the habit loop? 

What emotions do you want to experience when you modify a cue or routine? 

How do your emotions change? 

If you're interested in learning more about how habits foster cooperation or they wreak havoc in your family through an emotionally intelligent lens, I invite you to apply to work with me. Soon we'll be kicking off another cohort inside the Academy. As each new cohort begins, fresh, new insights are shared within the Academy community. It's an exciting space and place and I pray you consider joining us Head on over to www.stepfamilypodcast.com/WorkWithJen to get started with the Empowerment Quiz. 

There's literally no time to waste. Before I sign off, friendly reminder if you're listening before 5pm central on January 18th, there are a couple spots left inside our VIP guest mini seminar. 

Do you find yourself experiencing any of these things? 

>>I have a hard time thinking clearly in this relationship because I'm always afraid. 

>>I feel like I'm living in a fog. 

>>I feel so on edge around this person.

>> I don't know myself anymore. 

>>Are we going to fight over this now?

If you can relate to any of these, Samantha’s genius is for you. I hope to see your name on the guest list. Register at www.coachjenrogers.com/VIP guest. The link is in the show notes. Until next time, bye-bye.