Decoding Love: 12 Crucial Questions You Must Answer About Your Relationship with Him #201

Are you thinking about the color, size, and shape of your preferred ring, Stepmom?

Do you know how many men will pop the question this season?    Here are 12 important things to consider before you say, "I do"! Check out today's episode for powerful questions - even if you've already said yes to your man - these are great conversation starters to nurture your stepfamily marriage!

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Transcript

201 \\ Is This Man and His Kids Really The One? 12 Answers Stepmoms Must Know Now

Real quick, what's a common thing that's planned up to six months in advance?

Hey, December is right around the corner and the answer to that question is all a part of today's episode number 201 of the Empowered Stepmom podcast.

I'm your host Jen Rogers and I am so ding dang excited to connect with you today and talk about all things​ wedding! 

December is the month where the most wedding proposals occur when people plan to propose up to six months in advance. Now, here's a really interesting stat from thepearlsource.com, which indicates that 20 percent or more of those weddings will never happen. Hey, if you are thinking about tying the knot and wondering, is it going to work for us? Today's episode is for you.

Now, before you hit that pause button or think, well, Jen, I'm already married, or I'm not interested in getting married. I'm just going to hang out on the fringe Let me tell you that when you ask yourself powerful questions, you will come up with some very interesting answers. 

And these are questions to revisit throughout your relationship, whether or not you're about to get married, you're thinking about getting married. It's really important to understand what's important to you and what's important to your hunka-hunka and how do your beliefs and his beliefs come together?

How do those core values that you have inside of you mesh or conflict?

I'll be asking some questions for you to think about so you know how you would respond in a certain situation. And then I'm going to invite you to go get a free download so you can take some of these questions and have a great conversation with your man. so the two of you can get an inkling of what some of your future holds, because I'm going to be straight up 100 percent full disclosure here.

Love is not going to solve all your stuff. In fact, you might even forget that you fell in love in the first place when you're dealing with a cranky teenager or a very boisterous toddler, but when you get yourself equipped in advance, you can prevent falling into a lot of the common stepfamily pitfalls.

What makes this so important? Well, you really can save your marriage before it starts.

On this podcast, you'll learn exactly what to do to regain your power and in the process you'll find yourself reclaiming your joy too. Hey, there I am Jen Rogers, certified professional life coach, founder of the Empowered Stepmom Academy and Boundary Boss Designer for Christian Stepmom's.

I created the empowered stepmom community for women just like you. Women who don't know where else to turn for help, for stepmoms who don't have anyone who can relate to their feelings of shame, hurt, and disillusionment with their new family.

When I blended about 10 years ago, my life turned upside down and inside out. My husband didn't understand me. I couldn't share with my family how much I was struggling because I didn't want to hear, I told you so.

He isn't right for you and neither are his kids. Or you knew what you were getting into when you said I do. The thing is, I didn't. After years of being on the brink of breaking up and losing my mind, I started again, really digging into what God was calling me to. , Instead of feeling like being a stepmom was a prison sentence, I began to understand it was a call to stewardship given to me, no, , entrusted to me from the Creator of heaven and earth.

God took all of that hurt and hardship and he turned it into healing and hope. I'm here nestled in your earbuds to help you bridge that 18 inch gap between your head and your heart. As my hunka-hunka often likes to preach, intellectual ascent is not transformation. You knowing about being a stepmom It starts in your heart and knowing that God has purposefully placed you here in your family as a woman of influence, power, and joy.

My mission is to remind you of your unique giftings. capabilities, and power to stand firm in your calling as a stepmom. If you're ready to take your power back and reclaim your joy, then stick around. We'll use that permission slip of curiosity to glean powerful options and answers to common stepmom experiences.

If you've been around these parts long enough, you know, I will have the link in the show notes. If you are a clickety McClickster, then head on over to www.stepfamilypodcast.com/amiready to pick up the guide on 20 questions to ask yourself before you get married.

All right, let's get to today's episode. Number 201of the Empowered Stepmom podcast.

According to WeddingWire, the most popular days to get engaged are Christmas Day, Christmas Eve, New Year's Day, and the Sunday before Christmas Eve. 

If you're wondering whether or not to drop a hint about your preference for a wedding ring, you would be among the 80 percent of brides who admit to doing that very thing. My guess would be there's still time for you to drop that hint, given that 71 percent of those proposing select a ring less than two months before they pop the question. Speaking of questions, let's move on to some questions to think about before you blend.

You know how when you ask somebody a question and you realize, hey, wait, I don't actually know the answer for myself. I'm not sure how I would respond to that question. For today's episode, I recommend you give it one listen through. And if you want to journal as you go, go ahead and press pause in between the questions.

And then after you listen to it, it's a great opportunity for you to sit down with your hunka-hunka and listen to the episode together so that you can build into your relationship together as you learn more about what's important to each one of you.

All right, let's get started with the first one. How would you describe your relationship with your ex? Now, some of you will be instant moms, instant stepmoms, and you won't have a prior relationship with an ex. You might have already experienced some interactions with his ex, so you could talk about what your relationship with his ex is if you don't have an ex.

Number two. Let's talk about co-parenting. Your kids have a bedtime or a curfew of, say, 9 p. m. How do you handle when the kids don't stick to their bedtimes or to their curfews? 

Number three, your job has tons of travel. I'm concerned about connecting with your kids while you're away. Tell me a bit about what you think your kids will need most while you're traveling and when your kids violate house rules, as we know all kids do, what do you foresee as the consequences?

Number four, let's revisit the custody schedule. Tell me how the pickups and the drop offs work.

Number five, are you planning or do you foresee your ex planning to go back to court over the kids? 

Number six, how do you want to blend our money? Is it one pot, two pots, three pots or more? Your money, my money, ours money, all one pot. How do you want to blend our money?

Number seven. I hear a lot about boundaries when it comes to blended families. What boundaries do you think we need to think about?

Number eight. Pornography is rampant and not just for kids with cell phones, for adults too. Tell me about your journey with pornography. 

Number nine. Permissive or disciplinarian?

How would you describe my parenting style? What's one thing you think I do well as a parent? 

Number 10. What's an area where you think I could improve in my parenting?

Number 11. When we are together as a family, what kinds of traditions would you like to continue, begin, or end in our home? How would you describe the role the kids will play in our decisions about traditions? 

And finally, 12. Tell me about your walk with Jesus.

These 12 questions alone, will they save your marriage before it starts? Well, maybe . Hey, there is more to it than just asking questions. However, asking questions is one great way to get to know each other better and to plan for your future together. It's important that you have these conversations so you have a better idea of how your parenting styles will work together or against one another.

When you blend families. If you are in the thick of the ick and your parenting styles are very different, you're not alone. In fact, it's very common that you don't agree with the parenting style of the person that you said I do to, it's not abnormal. However, it's not insurmountable either. It does take intentionality, the two of you coming together to decide that you are in it to win it.

If that's you, if you are in it to win it, then it's time to join other women just like you who have decided they are claiming God's best for their marriages. They have chosen to become empowered through mentorship inside the empowered stepmom Academy.

If you want to know more about how you can join us, head on over to stepfamily podcast dot com forward slash Academy. And if you're hoping that there's a shiny ring underneath the Christmas tree this year, then head on over to www.stepfamilypodcast.com/amiready  A M I R E a D Y to get the free download to continue the conversation with your hunka-hunka about how the two of you can blend beautifully together.

It's been my honor to be in your earbuds today. Thanks for listening. If today's episode blessed you, encouraged you, or helped you in any way, would you give the gift of a five-star review? Your reviews have so much power. They are influential and they help women decide whether or not they're going to take a listen to the Empowered Stepmom podcast.

 Use your voice powerfully to influence others, to learn what God has in store, what God's best is for their blended family marriage. All right, that's going to do it for this week. I will catch you next week on the empowered stepmom podcast.